O me, o my, but despite all the mental gymnastics, those flashes of electricity make our minds go blank, and make us feel like baby kittens caught by the scruff of the neck, rendered paralyzed

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All day it has been tugging at the back of my mind… that fleeting missed moment … I have been wishing i had just let down my guard. Paused. Chatted a bit more. Not just disappeared in a cloud of dust.


Little did I know about relationship, but part of me still hopes that she and I could create many long-lasting memories

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A few days ago, I did not feel well. She told me she met someone a day before and she apologized (as we created a feeling between us) and she was being honest with me. She told me she was not sure about it since they two just met, but she would like to meet him again and know him well. I saw her messages while I was having a call with my family. I was not sure how I should take care of the situation, so I hung up the call and took a deep breath. That hurts. That really hurts. The moment I saw her apology, I felt part of myself was falling apart. The only thing I did was to tell her something like, ‘We are friends and we have not met in person. If that happens, that happens. If he was the guy for you, then I am happy for you. I guess it’s just that it was not the right time between us since we have not met. We can still chat if you want.’ Part of me believed that that’s really it, while part of me still believed that I still have a chance. I do not know. I really don’t. I don’t know if she still has feelings for me, and when we met in person, we would then fall in love with each other. I don’t know what she thinks about me, a friend or a potential long-term partner.


A really valuable part of this journey was the discovery that I have often sought the wrong type of companionship

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I’m very much of the anxious preoccupied attachment persuasion and love the idea of a partner so I cling on to them for fear that they will leave, even if I’m not actually that devoted to them