Making an intention to attract others who love us for our depth and inner beauty is a really healthy motivation, otherwise our concern for self-image is a strategy to attract what we already possess inside, and can be missing the point

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An example of applying a strategy instead of creating true connection is selling ourselves by trying to impress someone with our idealized image of ourselves, instead of expressing our honest feelings. But we are in fact selling ourselves short. We may cut off our vulnerabilities, which makes us the most lovable, to impress others with our knowledge, our looks, or our judgements and evaluations, which are conditional forms of love. These are strategies to protect ourselves from getting hurt, blocking us from the love we most want.

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